BE VERY AFRAID - OR AT LEAST, A LITTLE UNEASY...

We have a new splash screen, according to which Book 8: Scourge of Khazad-dum is nearly upon us - and very good news that is, too. But I am made more than a little uneasy by this chap, who figures mightily in the splash screen and, is, presumably, the Scourge personified. Now, I definitely don't want to sound negative before Book 8, upon which so much rests, is actually released; also, I remember an old Hawaian (I think) proverb which says, roughly, that if you're rude about your own coconut tree, it will drop coconuts on your head.

But - and I don't know how to put this diplomatically - dear old Scourge does not look very... Tolkienesque. Particularly not the blue neon highlights, of course, but also the fact that I'm prepared to eat my boots if he doesn't turn out to be half the size of a mallorn tree. Now as I've remarked before, I'm not a lore fanatic. LOTRO's designers have come up with a number of monsters perhaps undreamed of by Tolkien which are nevertheless perfectly convincing in terms of the mythos, or which at least fit in more-or-less comfortably; Gaunt Men, Morroval, Rogmul, Doom-singers are all both imaginative and appropriate.

The rot set in with Mines of Moria (where have I heard that comment before?), and specifically with the dreadful Foundations of Stone, whose shameless steals from "Alien" are not only contemptibly lazy, but also wildly out of place in Middle-earth. I sincerely hope that Book 8 isn't going to continue that trend, but Scourge here looks as though he belongs firmly in World of Warcraft. There's nothing wrong with WoW, in it's own place, but (and we really have to be firm, here), LOTRO is not WoW, and the last thing it needs is WoW's cartooney design. I say it's spinach, and I say the hell with it.

Fingers crossed.

UNDER THE EAVES OF LOTHLORIEN

What of Lothlórien? First of all, of course, it is visually stunning, above all the forest itself: impressively unlike anything we've seen so far, and, as it ought to be, ever so slightly spooky both by day and by night. The contrast with the gloom of Moria makes it that much more effective. I would also rate the epic storyline of Volume II, Book 7 very highly; it can easily be completed solo by anybody who has reached level 60, has a good, strong plot line and maintains its interest to the end (though I admit to finding the ultimate fate of the book's principal villain excessively tame, even rather wishy-washy).

On the other hand, I am disappointed by many of the quests which must be completed in order to gain favour with the Galadhrim, far too many of which are ridiculously trivial and even foolish. This is, I concede, a standing problem with all computer role-playing games, whether online or not, and one which becomes particularly acute in our case, where we are all playing notional second fiddle to the Fellowship: on the one hand the individual player is involved in events of epic scope and grandeur, but on the other, he or she must constantly be brought back down to earth lest he become too big for his boots (and for the lore).

Fair enough. One day Warlord of Angmar and Slayer of Thaurlach, the next begging Galadhrim guardians for the right to enter Lorien, or fending off Anduin lizards; that's the way an adventurer's life goes. But to be invited to go picking berries and mushrooms, or to be treated as a pack mule and instructed to carry supplies right, left and centre is really a bit much; where were you, buster, when we were killing Thorog in Helegrod? Such piffling quests do nothing to maintain suspension of disbelief, and are really a sign of laziness or lack of inspiration on the part of the developers. Obviously there will have to be grinding - but let it at least be inventive and preferably adventurous grinding, not this poor "kindly step out and get me a pint of milk, boy" household chore stuff.