OK, WHO STOLE THE TURTLE'S HEAD?

Quest trophies - the decorative items which drop when a particularly tough boss has been killed - are, quite rightly, Bind on Acquire (BoA) - they are meant to be proof of prowess or cunning, and shouldn't be available on demand to anybody with money or generous friends. The same applies, perhaps with rather less urgency, to decorative items only available to those who have achieved high rank with various factions.

There is, however, one very common occasion when this strict BoA rule needs be relaxed or modified. Many trophies end up gracing Kinship Houses, either because they are considered honours pertaining to the entire fellowship or raid responsible for the kill, or else because individual members choose to donate them. The problem is that because they remain bound to their original acquirer, they cannot be moved by anybody else; if anyone but the owner tries to do so, the only option given is "Return to owner", which means they immediately end up in the owner's escrow account. If the owner in question then fails to retrieve them in time, they are gone forever. Note also that there is no indication of just who the owner is, so there's no possibility of contacting them and having them move the item.

All of which means that making changes to a trophy-heavy Kinship House is virtually impossible, even for the leader. What's more, trophies and other BoA items will vanish in the wake of a departing member, even if he or she had no such intention. The obvious answer is to allow for decorative items of all kinds, including trophies, to be BoA with the sole exception of transfer to a Kinship, perhaps into a Kin Treasure Vault accessible only to the leader and nominated members by means of a new permission. Items taken out the vault and in the temporary posession of a player would immediately become BoA again unless placed in a Kinship House decorative slot. In other words: trophies would be transferable from the original owner to the Kinship, after which they could only be used in Kinship House decorative slots.

HOUSING CONTROL FREAKERY

Everyone bitches about LOTRO's inane housing system, which only allows you to place certain items in certain well-defined spots around your house, known as hooks. Since these are very limited in number, all LOTRO housing tends to look as though it has recently been visited by bailiff trolls who walked off with 90% of the household items. The limited number of hooks is bad enough, but what makes it worse is the daft design decision to classify all housing and decorative items as large/small/thin furniture, large/small wall items and the like, which can of course only be placed into the equivalent pre-designated slots. Note that while, logically enough, perhaps, large items of furniture cannot be placed into 'small furniture' slots, you're not allowed to do the opposite, either - that space may be large enough to take a billiard table, but you can't place a stool there!

Most irritating of all is the fact that the large/small designations are not dependent on the overall dimensions of an object, but appear to be entirely arbitrary. The image above is of the raised dais in a Breeland kinhouse, representing about half the total floor area of the main hall. Looks empty, doesn't it? That's because apart from items on the walls, you are only allowed to place two items of furniture on an area the size of a small ballroom. Furthermore, these two slots are earmarked for (wait for it!), 'special furniture'. What, you ask, is special furniture? So far, the game includes just three such items: a breakfast table, a map table and a reflecting pool. But the point is that if you try and place a normal large table of the same dimensions as the map table into one of these slots, it won't go in. LOTRO's designers have taken it upon themselves to dictate that your very expensive (to buy and run) kinhouse can sport a frog pond in its great hall - but not a dinner table. How far can control freakery go?

(Oh, and by the way, experiments have shown that just one of every LOTRO trophy available to date represents more items than a kinhouse can accommodate - never mind your average hovel. Nice going.)

LEGACY ARMOUR RETIREMENT PLANS

As MoM creeps closer and closer on little cat feet, insecurity and uncertainty haunt the sleep of many veterans of Angmar’s campaigns. “What”, they want to know, “is to become of our precious, paid-for-in-blood-and-sweat (not to mention hours and hours slaving over a hot keyboard) complete suits of Rift armour? Must they be tossed on the rubbish heap, unloved and unregarded, or sold for a mere handful of copper pennies? How will we protect ourselves against the perils of the Mines?”.

Relax. First of all, Rift-quality armour isn’t suddenly going to turn into soggy cardboard overnight; it will certainly provide adequate protection in Eriador, while we gather together the next set, with its improved protections. “But what”, some will answer, “of its patina, its associations, its many memories? Are you so blind to history?”. Well, it has now been confirmed that pre-MoM items, no matter how rare, cannot be be broken up to boost legendary weapons, so that particular retirement plan is no longer an option. Personally, I plan to hang on to mine, in the (hopefully not vain) expectation that Turbine will sooner or later recognise its folly in instituting a hook system for housing, and replace it with a grid or free system allowing players to place anything they want anywhere in their homes. There have been faint, elfin hints that something of the sort is planned for the not-too-distant future – perhaps a couple of books into MoM. Then, assuming that Turbine can also provide me with a simple armour stand, I propose to display the whole outfit, hideous shoulder pads included, in some corner of the snug. Ah, the memories…

A SOP FOR THE PACK-RATS

So far, LOTRO has been deeply frustrating for the multitudinous race of RPG pack-rats - those players who love to collect one of everything, particularly anything rare or significant, and display it to the best possible advantage, if possible in their very own digital home. Bethesda's Elder Scrolls series, above all the remarkable Morrowind, pandered brilliantly to such players, who could spend days, weeks and months collecting complete sets of every kind of armour, displayed on dummies in the vast halls of their player-designed module homes. The coming of LOTRO housing sparked off hopes that something similar might prove possible here as well, but the oddly limited system of pre-positioned and rigidly sized furniture 'hooks' which the designers opted for seemed to exclude that possibility.

Now Book 12 brings the possibility of acquiring at least some trophies of major encounters, including Sambrog's Helm (Great Barrows), Naruhel's Dress (The Red Maid - Garth Agarwen), Udunion' Swords (Barad Gularan), Ferndur's Skull (Imlad Balchorth), Remmenaeg's Armour (Fornost), Ivar's Banner (Garth Agarwen), Lagmas' Arm (Urugarth), Mordrith's Mirror (Carn Dum), Bogboreth's Head (NE Angmar), Helchgam's Tentacle (Carn Dum), Thorog's Skull (Helegrod) and Thaurlach's Sword (the Rift). Unfortunately they are classified as furniture items small, medium or large, so their placement will necessarily be limited to existing hooks, but it's a start in the right direction. If, as seems likely, LOTRO runs and runs, perhaps a year or so from now we will get fully differentiated and positionable loot items...

Meanwhile, I couldn't resist including an image of the author of these chronicles, or at least his alter ego, sitting comfortably beneath a recently acquired Sambrog's Helm (soloed, of course).